So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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