Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
