She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
