I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
