i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
