yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
