someone owes me an orgasm
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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