Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
