____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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