My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
