Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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