I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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