is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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