Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
