Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
