its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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