Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
