I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
