We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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