I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
