just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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