i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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