I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
PANTIES FOUND
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