Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
