I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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