My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
