He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
