There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
