but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
