Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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