Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my being single is dangerous.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
