we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I wish my penis had an off switch
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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