oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
