if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
