He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
