Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
