In the future we'll all be gay
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
