The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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