The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
