On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
