I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
