okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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