Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
