Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize