I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
