What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
