Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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