is your mom at the bar?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
