Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize