when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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