The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
