OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just threw up on my dentist
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
