i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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