Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize