If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
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