is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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