So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
