Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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