my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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