So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
