return my video game
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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