i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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