I CAN MOONWALK!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
